Balance

"We only live once", which I heard on the radio the other day. I think it means a lot. Since we have feelings, I want to be happy. To become happy myself, I want to make others around me happy. Especially family members. I think we have to live independently as we are individuals. I have to live my own life, not depend on my parents or others. It is a balance what I have to think about it. I don't have to depend on my parents too much, and I also don't have to be careless about my parents. I should keep the best balance between my parents and I because I only live once. I should keep trying my dreams.

Cooler days

The more cooler, the more I can concentrate doing something. During the hot season, I couldn't concentrate studying very much because I sweat a lot and my room was too hot even using a wind fan, it sent warm wind. I feel cold during the night these days. I need thick futon now or I awake several times during the night.

Autumn

The rice fields next to my apartment finished harvesting rice last Saturday. I feel it is very autumn now. As the color of rice fields after harvesting is yellow, yellow looks the color of autumn. I can see color leaves in autumn, too. On the food, we will have sweet potato, chestnut, ginkgo nut, all of them are yellow and I love them.

Follow the truth

I think it is easy to follow what happens in our lives. On the other hand, when I tried to resist it, I should have hard time. I think it is I who have a right to choose which. I have a soul and a heart and I will follow both of them. Once I chose one decision, I will go forward with my soul and heart. It's better to follow the truth of my heart than easier way. I am grateful to be free from anything but my heart. I will live for myself. I hope it makes me strengthen and confidence in myself.

Library

I went to the library to borrow some magazines back number. I wanted to read some articles related to the subject I will translate. It is a science topic. The latest technology about future cure. It is very new to me and I am interested in that topic. I think it is important to research about the topic if it is not familiar to me. As I don't have any knowledge about the topic, I should learn a basic information before starting a translation.

Enjoy foods

It rained in the afternoon and it's getting cooler these days. I felt cold turning on an electric fan in the evening. It surely the autumn has come. I like the autumn fruits very much, such as persimmons, apples, pears, berries, chest nuts, pea nuts, and figs. I also like sweet potatoes, fishes, too. I should have a lot of foods.

When I was in TX., I enjoyed a lot of pies: pecan pie, pumpkin pie, apple pie, and the like on Halloween day. They were very good and sweet and because I was younger, I could have several kinds of pie. Pie is very American food. I think Japanese can't make pies as Americans do. Taste is very different between them. Going to a "House of pie" was very exciting thing for me. I was attracted by an apple pie with ice cream, but I usually had a baked potato. It was also good with some toppings and sour cream. Everywhere around the world there are good foods in each season, I think.

Salmon

A salmon is special to me because it was a title of my first solo dance when I was twenty years old. I was impressed that salmon come back up to the river to spawn roe, and they die after that last work. It is the salmon's lives and it is beautiful that they follow how to live themselves. I wanted to express the vitality of salmon.

My dance was very simple and same to the sound. I thought it was not good. My teacher said that I had to change the speed of movement and sound because both were same tone. It was right. I sometimes think that whether I am living with vitality. If I want to do something, I should follow my true feeling and act. I don't have to be afraid of being failed. If I feel I am failed, I can try again. I don't want to live with something give up and complaining myself. For me, a time for study is very important but I can keep studying even it would be less time. I trust myself and hope I can make a good decision.

Where to study outside?

I think why a library doesn't admit to study there. It says "You are not admit to bring your own study kit and study here" on the paper. It is the place to read books or newspapers around there. I can understand that when people want to read a book there, they need a place to put the book and a chair. I know that. I hope there is a study room at the library. I think the library I went was a small library and they don't have a enough space to make a study room. I know a big library has a large study room and there are always many people there. However, I don't like that place very much.

Should I study at a coffee shop and the like?

Job

I am thinking of a work I would do soon or it would take a long. I have some reasons to work sooner. I should move to close to my parents and I have to rent a room for that reason. I don't know what kind of job I should choose now. I am going to consult an organization because I think they will help me to come to a better decision than I would do myself.

Shiny cafe

I spent almost a day for reading at Starbucks. It was surrounded all windows and I felt rather shiny there. The view from there was very wide and beautiful, I could see a canal, trees, sky and people walking around. I can relax where there is some dark part in a cafe. It was too bright for me. I think it depends on preference of each individual.

Looking for

I was still looking for a place where I would live next. I should move near my parents by December. I should find a job first as it is difficult to pass a review for an apartment. I feel I should wait for a little because I will be busy in September. It looks hard to find a room where I can satisfy since I have many check points. The most important is smoke-free.

Hot season last long

The long hot season makes me tired these days. I can stand hot season rather than cold season, but it's too long. I took nap this afternoon and I felt better. After submitting a trial, I read a book. I think it's better to read where something cooler, such as a cafe or a library. I might be able to concentrate than reading in my room. But I should go out very early hour or I will be tired on the way to cafe because of strong sunshine.

Ordinary

I feel ordinary day is the happiest because it will be easily lost. Sometimes I forget about it and feeling irritate about something little. It is also included an ordinary day. I hope the ordinary day will last long. That will be a happy memory of my life.

task

I have done my task and I will only check it tomorrow. Now I don't have a paid job, something with expire is like my work. I was glad and I went outside in the evening. It is still hot today, yet almost the end of August. I have an important thing in September, about my mother. I hope I can choose the best solution for her. I should be true to myself and accept her will. I believe my hope will come true.

Ballet

I saw a ballet concert with my uncle this afternoon. It was a classical ballet "Swan Lake." It was really classical, I predicted technique such as a toe dance, a lifting, a high jump, and the like. There was one thing I wouldn't expect, and that was an importance of facial expression. The more true expression to the role, the more attractive. Although the technique of dancer is evaluated high, the facial expression is essential for the performing arts like a ballet. I felt tired after seeing for 3 and a half hours though.

Priority

I tried my best but I couldn't finish translation. I did a lot and I can use time for translation tomorrow morning instead of listening to a radio English program. I have to change my habit sometimes when I have a thing which has a limit to submit. It's OK. I should be flexible to accept a priority.

Priority

I am glad to use my time for translation about an hour in the morning and 4 hours in the afternoon. I followed what I read in the book the other day. It goes "Do first what you want to do." I usually read a newspaper in the morning first then translate in the afternoon. But when I started translating in the morning, I would use more time for translation. I use less time for reading a newspaper though.

Decision

I decided to live here alone because I want my mother cook. While I lived with my parents, I cooked almost every morning and evening. I feel sorry to her because she also wanted to cook. We have different taste even we are a mother and a child. I can cook for myself here and it will be the best choice I can imagine now.

Subtitle

It is still hot even after mid August. I feel my constitution has changed a little. I noticed by having melons. I always had a stomach trouble after having melons, but there were no problem after having a quarter of melon today. I used to have less drinks and hot teas even in summer but I can take cold teas this summer. The climate effected my body.

I practiced translation on subtitle. It was difficult and also interesting because the number of letters are limited each line. I felt it was like Japanese haiku or tanka since they are limited in letters like 5, 7, 5 and 5, 7, 5, 7, 7 respectively. It was more creative than technical translation which must be accurate to original text. It might be more difficult because subtitle needs different way of speaking from original one. It requires understanding the meaning and create different line with same meaning, often in a short line. It took about 5 hours and I just translated one third of whole. It will take more 2 days in my plan.

Zazen

I experienced zazen for 4 days learning from the chief priest in early August. It was a ritual as every movement has a form. I can tell how to form zazen: first put the right foot on the left thigh, then put the left foot on the right thigh. Next, put both palms at the center of the formed legs about on the left ankle, with all fingers except thumbs touched, left hand fingers on the right hand fingers, and touch tips of each thumb making circle. This is zazen form. We kept it for about 10 to 15 minutes at rest. It came various images in my mind and the priest told us not to stop the feeling from each of our heart. I experienced some feelings while doing zazen. I think doing zazen makes person alone and get people being themselves among others. I didn't feel pain of my legs during zazen, but I felt pain after unbending zazen. I don't try to do zazen in my usual life because of that. I think zazen limits the body and that makes mind free. I always feel something cry for my usual mind during zazen. Zazen is a good way to consider our minds in usual lives.

Humanity

Since I have lived alone for 2 months, I felt it was nice to live with others. When I get up, there are people around me and we exchange greeting. When I have a meal, there are people around me and we can speak such as "Please pass me a tea pot" or "It tastes good" and the like. When I ask questions, someone replies spontaneously. That is different from my usual life: when I have a question, I ask someone via the Internet, then someone replies by writing. I can see only letters, never able to see a facial expression nor hear a tone of voice. I feel human being needs others to be humanity. I think comparing the Internet and the human, we can get much information through the human, not the Internet. We can get various kind of information via the Internet, but it is just letters. It is very convenient for those businesslike. There is no emotion at all. It is no problem. I just felt that living among people makes human rich in heart. We will like others or hate. We can learn from others' behaviours.

I will try to be careful not to be selfish nor lose humanity by living alone because I don't have to care about others in my usual life. I appreciate the great opportunity to live with younger people; they were students and senior people; they showed me how to live happily for a week.

Timing

I think timing is very important. If I missed it, I would lose myself at that moment forever. I did what I really wanted to do today. I wanted to communicate my true feeling to someone. It might be a selfish hope, but for me, it is the first priority to live here. I am a bit afraid of a reaction of someone, but I am confident in me for being true to myself. I hope we will live helping each other even with unknown people in society.

No more war

I read a book written by Michael Moore in Japanese translation version. I don't know the original title. It is about last president election. He is against the war between the U.S and Iraq. He suggests that the U.S should stop the war immediately because Iraq did no wrong to the U.S. If it is true, the U.S should be blamed. He insisted that the Vietnam war was genocide as Vietnam did no wrong to the U.S. From these two wars, I feel the U.S. likes the war. It must be a few politicians. What did they fight for? Are there any reasons for that? He said that it was always people, not the politician or the rich, who became victims in the war. I think he does the right things, expressing his idea to make the U.S comfortable to live for everyone. He has a sense of humour and that makes the book easier to understand.

There is one thing I respect the U.S, it is a movie such as "Platoon." It was a sad movie but I feel the U.S can accept what they have done even it was ashamed. I hope people especially politicians in the U.S would remember and sense the sadness of the war.

Travel recommendation

I feel it is better to spend the hottest season at cooler place. I wash clothes every day, my legs and arms skin became red, less sleep, and taking nap. I know the hottest season won't last so long, maybe 3 weeks, but I don't want that 3 weeks in vain.

It is good to travel in this season somewhere cooler and it is better abroad. I heard someone recommended on the radio that we should travel abroad once a year alone. Did he mean that we can improve our communication skill by doing that? It might be included, but he said staying inside makes people become nationalism without accepting others. I think going to unknown place gives people a lot. It must be exciting each day and we should accept the way of that place to survive there. That will make our hearts broaden and tolerant towards others.

It is ideal. It depends on how we work. I never think of going abroad when I worked for the company. I had things to do during holidays and holiday season is same for almost all Japanese employees, traffic and sight seeing is very busy. If I really want to go abroad, I can think the way to carry out the travel but I don't have a passion to go now.

Different expression

I started the trial for a Japanese-English checker. I felt English is different from Japanese. No one doubts about it. I have to check many words to check that it is a right word in this meaning. I found many cases that if I translated this sentence, I won't use this word. Thanks to Google, we can check any sentences to check whether it is common or not. I think Japanese-English translation takes more time for checking sentences for Japanese than English-Japanese translation because we are not native English user. I try to enjoy the difference of expressing way.

Summer Triangle

As I woke up after midnight about 3 am, since it was too hot to sleep, I don't use an air conditioner because of my constitution, I saw the Summer Triangle top of the western sky. It was a starry night and the air was cool. It reminded me when I was an elementary school student. I had seen the sky almost every evening, sometimes with my parents, my brother, or neighbor kids. I was observing clouds in daytime as a homework. I always had been watching the sky in summer holidays at that time. I have not seen the stars these years. Summer is the good season to watch a starry starry night in the evening but I hope I can sleep well.

Speaking of observing nature, I saw birds in the weeds in a pine park this morning. It looked like the pigeons at first, but they seemed female pheasants, brown and smaller, they must be the young but there wasn't their mother as far as I saw. Out of the room, I can see the wonder of the nature.

Walk to the pine park

I found a park near my apartment. It was a small park with many pine trees. The road to the park was hot by sunshine even it was 6am, the park was cool because of shadow of a big apartment and there was a small canal along the park. It was the first time since I came here to walk in the morning. In summer, I like in the early morning air and the night one. They are only air I can feel relieve in summer. I remember Japanese woman poet in Heian Period(794-1192) wrote in her work that the best time in summer was night. Moon, firefly, and rain. We can hardly see a firefly today though. It is quiet here in the night and just a little cool air from the window. I can hear some insects.

Learn from others

We have a Japanese proverb "Make yourself correct by observing others." I realized that was true. I have learnt a translation lesson in this way. I found which is good and which is wrong. It is difficult to doubt myself because I thought it was right. But when I saw what others wrote, I found that what I wrote was something wrong. It shows that we can't learn alone. We can learn among others because we are just different each other. If I don't know what is going on around, I can't feel anything except what I feel, that is just a small world. Only inside of what one person can think. Thinking of that, school system might be a good system since we can learn among many students. It can say same thing also the company system. In society, even working alone, there must be a relationship with others though. Whether it is great or something wrong I felt by observing what others wrote, I can learn from both of them. I will try to observe what others wrote in same things I do.

Be true and passion

Summer has coming. I am thinking of watermelon. I can have it only in summer, it will be only for 4 weeks, before Bon. Four weeks are enough to enjoy watermelon. I don't have to worry about it.

Every summer, I clean the room. This year, I moved here just a month ago, it seemed to be a few place to clean. For the rest of time, I can read and study, and go somewhere.

I have read a novel written about Hayashi Fumiko, who wrote "Horoki" and her way of living has impressed me. She lived true to herself in writing, daily life, and loving people around her. She hated pretending, even in others behaviour. She only loved what she trusted because she was confident in herself. She trusted what she felt from her heart and wrote only about it. I admire her spirit. What she trusted herself might be a love she had been given her parents or people around her from her childhood. I feel she lived her life being always herself with passion. It is one of the most beautiful way of living.

I just listened to the radio saying same thing:

"Be true to yourself and find something that sustains passion."

What a coincidence!

Cooking

Since I live alone and staying my room almost all day, I don't meet people all day recently. Sometimes my parents call me and I speak to them. I meet dance friends at least twice a month. Do I feel lonely? I don't feel so very much because I am studying for a job I really want to do.

For my part, cooking is a relaxing time. I like cooking because I feel I am human being when I cook. I use a knife and a cutting board, and cut vegetables. The more kinds of vegetable the more I feel happier. I like vegetables very much. I also boil green leaves such as Komatsuna at least once a week. I cook rice in a pan. I don't use a rice cooker because I just didn't buy it and I would rather rice cooked in a pan than an electric rice cooker. It takes less time to use a pan. I have to watch out before it boils over and listen the sound of burning. I like all these things because I also like eating.

Although I eat alone, cooking for myself makes me feel something confident in me. I can live depending on myself. It surely is better to eat with others I feel. I will go to my parents or ask friends to eat lunch sometime.

Time for translation and checking

I translated about for 5 hours and I feel I did good job. It took a lot of hours to translate for me because I can't translate fast. A professional translator I met at the seminar uses time for checking as much as 5 to 6 times of translating. I think she translates very fast and takes enough time for checking. She says the checking is very important and it is the most interesting part of translating. We should check mistakes and consider the sentences in order to make the best sentences. I think it must be true. I will check precisely to make sentences easy to understand and accurate to the original one.

Twilight

It has rained a lot these days. It is the end of rainy season now. When it rained a lot, it sounded noisy. I woke up even in the midnight because of the sound of rain. I saw beautiful twilight this evening after raining. The air and the scenery become clearer after rain because the rain washed all dirt in the atmosphere. I like to go out after rain. But the twilight disappears in short time and it becomes dark night. It is lucky to see the twilight. I feel happy today.

Suspicion

I am influenced by the book I am reading now. It is about during the war: the World War Ⅱ. There are 2 men who are military policemen. They suspect people whether who are communists or not, and if they found the evidence or just suspected, they take innocent people to a prison and conduct a torture. How violent they are! It could say that it was a war time and they just conducted their job. Yes, we could say so. The war makes people common less and no heart. Anyone could not trust others because they might be a military policeman and observing everything around. In the book, one military policeman looked kind and friendly but he was pretending to make a heroine relax and try to find out the evidence. It must be a horrible society; everyone has to suspect each other to protect oneself. The war makes people suspicious. No one can speak truth of their heart. I appreciate the time I live now: a peace time. Although it seems a peaceful time, there are small violence around us. We have to be careful of any violence, otherwise we miss what we take for granted now: expressing true to oneself.

Subtlety

I read a Japanese scholar Umesao saying "My English cannot handle the subtlety of my thoughts" on the newspaper. I sometimes feel my diary written in English seems to be written by an elementary school student. It is because my English does not seem to be same level of English for my age. I use an easy vocabulary because I don't know difficult words very much. I think that one's thoughts depend on the vocabulary one use. If I can use only easy vocabulary, my thought would be easy one, it would never be complex one. When I think something in English, the result will be easier than what I really want to express if the idea of mine and what Mr. Umesao said would be right. I should think in Japanese when I think something delicate. I can understand and agree with Mr. Umesao. The vocabulary makes the thoughts. I sometimes see non-Japanese native speakers speaking in Japanese on TV, and they sound a bit strange when their Japanese is not good very much. It is same to me. I will try to enrich my vocabulary and also think in Japanese to keep my thoughts as same level for my age.

Write true to one's heart and with passion

I was reading a book from the afternoon to the evening. It is interesting book which is written about a writer Hayashi Fumiko. She worked as a writer during the World War Ⅱ in South East Asia and China. She wrote only what she felt from heart, she was always true to herself when she wrote. It is very important to being honest because the words used in the writing will be true to oneself. It is also important that there is a passion to write when we write. It must be reached to others' heart only there is a strong feeling of writer to communicate to others. She only writes about it.

I have to appreciate the time when we can write freely without any control of others. During the war time, it was not admitted. Those who lived in the war time had to write under the control of military power. The writers always had to be careful of what they write. They must not be able to be themselves, otherwise they would have been put in a prison. I haven't read her famous book: "Horoki" yet though, I want to read it in the future. I am interested in her, she made her house which is ideal to her: very convenient to live and she loved it very much. She made her every day life important to herself. She cooked as much as possible and cared for her son very much. She must be a lovely character.

Election day

I went to vote in the afternoon. I decided the party by the reason which is the party against the tool free policy. From the environmental point of view, the toll free expressways policy is not accepted. Many drivers who use expressways often will please that policy, but it is clear that green house effective gas will increase. People who use the train or ferry will shift to car. Why should Japan be against the environmental issue? I can not understand the policy they are going to conduct. I only see this point to decide the party I vote. I don't know other points to compare, but as far as I know, this is the only a big difference between each party. I hope the tool free expressways policy will disappear.

Believe in continuing

I study translation now. I am happy to do it. I found I am improving a translation skill because I can see the mistakes which I made 2 months ago. I couldn't notice about them at that time. Keep studying makes me surely improve the skill. I can believe and I will continue to study.